I am continuing on with my mission to rehome many of my extra things—things that I feel I, and perhaps we, no longer need. Many are things that had a use at one time, for at least one person in our family in the past. But now they haven’t been needed for anything in my recent memory, well, maybe to be a tangible part of my memory. Some I received from or inherited from my mother. That alone makes them semi-precious for me. Letting them go is sometimes harder than it should be. If I have no use for them, then why keep them? And yet, once they are gone it is pretty final, and I can never go back. The possible outcomes are trash, recycle, give to be resold, give to family. Some of the choices are more final than others. Sometimes I make a decision to get rid of an item and it seems I must need some confirmation of my decision. So, I present the item to my husband expecting him to agree with me. I say I’m going to get rid of this book, dish, picture, broken lamp, ……… And he doesn’t say “Yes, we don’t need it!” He says that he “wants to read” the book—which I know he probably won’t. He says, “No, I think that I might think of a way it could be used.” And, he wants the pictures saved even though no one will ever want to look at the pictures taken so long ago that only he remembers and has not looked at them for nearly 50 years! And they were taken with cameras from long ago that only took small snapshot pictures developed from film and printed for a scrapbook. He often agrees with me that they aren’t very good, but he remembers that “person” from his childhood. To me, if he sees the pictures now, and hasn’t seen them for “forever,” then why should he keep them? Then I remember how I am having trouble with letting my own “things from my past” go and I try to be understanding. I have been assured that no one in our family wants most of my things either.
So you would think that I would remember to not ask if I truly wanted to have the item gone. But we are a partnership! I don’t want to later have him want something that I tossed! His “nots” keep me from being selfish. These discussions we are having have led me to think about what I can learn, what is in this object lesson that I am supposed to learn. The object lesson is not about the item itself, but maybe more about a spiritual truth. It can also show me lessons in communication, respect, and compromise.
I need to remember to try to see things from God’s perspective. I read this explanation a while ago. It had my attention because I have always had small prisms hanging in my east windows. They make beautiful rainbows that scatter around my kitchen. If you have never read the old-fashioned story of Pollyanna and prisms, you should! Her experience of making someone’s life happier with prisms is so good. It made me want to have prism rainbows in my home! Hold a prism or a glass of water to the light. The object is simple, but the light that passes through it creates a spectrum of colors. The same light, refracted, looks different from various angles. The item is the prism. My husband and I see the same object but perceive it differently based on our unique experiences and values. I can see clutter; he sees a memory, security, or a symbol of his identity or vice versa. He loves to take something unwanted with no purpose and use it or turn it into something or use it to repair something else. He enjoys the challenge!
Both of our perspectives can contain truth. Instead of focusing only on my opinion, I need to ask God to help me to see the object through my husband’s eyes, to help me to see something differently. True clarity is not seeing identically but seeing with love. We cannot force the prism to look a certain way, but to appreciate the colors of light it reveals to me. Each flash of color is slightly different. In the same way, I can see that it is not for one of us to win our own way but to understand and honor each other’s feelings, even if we don’t fully agree.
There is another lesson that seems to be in this discussion that we have been having. I say get rid, he says, no! God says that I need to get rid of my sins. I get hesitant and think, no, not that one. Surely, I can keep that one! I can use the physical task of decluttering our things as a spiritual object lesson for the internal work needed in myself. I could take a clutter-filled box of things I want to get rid of, but then hide it in a closet. Just like that box, hidden resentment or anger over the disagreement still takes up space in my life. It weighs me down emotionally and creates anxiety, even if it’s out of sight. The real spiritual decluttering is laying down anger and embracing peace. Along with desiring a more uncluttered space, Garry is still attached to some of the particular things and doesn’t see how they are cluttering up the space he really wants cleared but it can’t happen, yet! There is another object lesson for us—a bird is tethered to the ground. It can be a thin string or a thick rope, but either way, it prevents the bird from flying freely toward God. God lets us be able to be free in our choices. Holding tightly to an outcome—whether keeping or throwing away an item—can be an attachment that hinders our journey toward God.
There is a well-known story of a monkey and the jar that is a popular fable that is often used to illustrate the danger of greed and attachment.
In a village, a hunter devised a clever and humane trap for catching monkeys. He took a jar with a narrow neck—just wide enough for a monkey’s empty hand to fit inside—and placed a handful of tasty nuts or some other treat at the bottom r or the jar. Hunter man then tied the jar to a stake in the ground and hid, waiting. Soon, a monkey came along and spotted the enticing treat. Eager for the food, the monkey reached its hand inside the jar and grabbed a fistful of nuts. The jar’s opening was large enough for the monkey’s open hand to enter, but once its hand was clenched into a fist, it was too big to pull back out.
The monkey screeched as only monkeys can and struggled, pulling with all its might to get its hand free getting more and more frustrated, but it refused to let go of the nuts. All the monkey had to do to escape was to open its fist and drop the food. But its greed was too strong. The monkey’s desire for the prize kept it trapped and unable to think clearly. With the monkey completely preoccupied with the nuts, the hunter calmly approached and captured it. The monkey could have had its freedom at any moment simply by letting go of what it held so tightly.
The fable teaches a powerful lesson about human behavior, especially the pitfalls of greed, attachment, and stubbornness. Holding on, to our stuff, can keep you and I trapped: The monkey was trapped not by the jar, but by its own unwillingness to let go. Likewise, people can be held back by clinging to things that no longer serve them, whether it’s a grudge, a past failure, or a toxic relationship.
Freedom comes from releasing control: The monkey’s freedom was always within its grasp. We, too, can find liberation by accepting that we must release our grip on some things in order to move forward and find greater happiness.
New perspectives can set you free: The monkey was so focused on its single reward that it couldn’t see the wider world or the bigger picture of its predicament. By stepping back and re-evaluating what we hold dear, we can gain the perspective needed to make better choices. Like the Monkey, we can be free of sin and our attachments if we Just Let Go!
We want to keep some things just for ourselves, just as we want to keep some sins just for ourselves and not give them up. We need to have respectful conversations to understand about our feelings about the object. For example: “What memories or feelings are connected to that item for you?” “Can you help me understand why this is important to keep?” Together we can work out the need to get rid of items or how to keep the item in our home in a creative way that meets both looking nice needs and our sentimental memories.
This week I had to stretch my memory. I was sitting in the car waiting for Garry to come back from his business appointment. It was a hot afternoon in the sun so I had the car door open hoping for a small breeze to come my way. I was scanning through facebook as I waited and was keeping watch for Garry to come back. Several people walked by as I waited but only one stopped and noticed me. He spoke to me! He seemed to know me but I did not know him. This conversation reminded me of God. The conversation went something like this: “You look like an Eileen! And your last name was Bonjour!” I couldn’t deny either of those statements! And I kind of felt like Adam or Moses or Samuel when God called them by name unexpectedly. I can imagine their puzzlement as to how their names were known to a “voice.” The conversation went on–I acknowledged the correctness of my name. Then came another statement, “You have a brother named Danny!” By now I am sure that the puzzlement on my face was very plain. Our conversation progressed to the point where I asked if he knew that Danny\Dan managed the radio station broadcasting from the tower along the highway? He did! Then he told me that we were in high school together. My curiosity finally made me ask his name! Sure enough I knew who he was, even if I didn’t know him, as he greeted me. I would not have recognized him if he hadn’t spoken to me. He was the nephew of a former neighbor we shared field harvest and hay baling with. His brother-in-law was in my graduating class and his wife’s parents hosted several of our neighborhood gatherings. Garry had had his son one year in classes in school. His name brought immediate knowledge that I knew him, even if I did not recognize him. Moses would not have known God was in the bush, if God had not spoken to him first. Samuel would have slept the night away if God had not spoken to him in the dark those three times. And Adam was not wanting God to find him!
In Matthew 7:21-23 ESV, God says, “I Never Knew You.” “Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. On that day many will say to me, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and cast out demons in your name, and do many mighty works in your name?’ And then will I declare to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from me, you workers of lawlessness.’ Oh my, what a terrible thing to hear about yourself. If anyone hears that, they will not be welcome in his presence or in heaven. How sad it will be to have God say I never knew you instead of hearing Him call me by my name indicating He knows who I am and that I am welcome to come home to be with Him forever. I am in His memory, I will not be part of the clutter in His Home. I will not be up for debate on whether I will be kept or discarded. The decision will be done in love and with idea that He doesn’t want anyone to be discarded!
God knows my name, and He will always want to keep me!